Out of My Mind

Last weekend, as we were driving over all the ice and snow that had accumulated in our parking lot because our apartment complex never bothers to plow (yes, I have issues with them), I made the comment that I had had just about enough of Michigan and it’s crappy weather.  Lo and behold, this week the hubby has been applying to jobs out in Oregon.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I am still game for moving out west.  Someday.  I just don’t think right now is the greatest time for us to up and move all the way across country.  But apparently, all’s it takes is one innocent comment from me to get the ball rolling for the hubby again.  Not that I think anything will come out of it, but still.

I gotta say, it was so nice not having to wake up at 5:15 this morning.  Sebastian was up at about 6:45, even though he didn’t really need to get up until 7:30, but that’s Sebastian for you.  He told me that he looked in the mirror and noticed that he looked different.  When I asked him what he meant, he said he didn’t have those dark purple marks under his eyes.  He’s such a goober.  And just slightly overdramatic.

I’m wondering just how long I can stretch out this whole not working thing because I really enjoy it.  Plus, my classes start in two and a half months and that will be a big change for me.  And what will we do in the summer when Seb’s out of school? Hmmmmm.

Today is my last day of working latchkey.  When I told the kids this morning, I got a lot of stunned and sad faces.  Lots of them gave me hugs as they were leaving.  Apparently, I’m not quite the mean old hag that I perceive myself to be while at work.  Or else, those kids are really forgiving.

Last night when the hubby came to pick up Sebastian, he finally got a glimpse of Seb in one of his "moods."  He had been fine all day, but when it was time to go, he didn’t want to help the girls he was playing with pick stuff up.  He dug in his heels, went into stubborn mode and that was it.  He wouldn’t listen and laid down on the floor and started spinning around.  It looked like the beginnings of one of his full scale flip-out episodes.  And his dad was finally there to see it.  Now this did not even begin to compare to his previous two total flip-outs, but the hubby finally got to see that I wasn’t exaggerating about his kid’s behavior.  ‘Cause I’m pretty sure he just assumed I was blowing things way out of proportion.  Ha, I say!  You can now see exactly what I was talking about.  How he can go from perfectly fine to demon child in the blink of an eye, over absolutely nothing.  I must say, I feel somewhat vindicated.

Still haven’t figured out what to do about Seb’s birthday party.  I talked to my mom last night and found out that my older brother and his three kids won’t be there, which kind of pissed me off.  We always, always went to their parties, even if it meant we had to skimp on groceries or something else that week so that we could bring them a present.  But my brother’s going to a concert and so he’ll be dropping the kids back at their mom’s house pretty early that day.  Now we definitely can’t do the miniature golf thing, because we are three kids shy of the ten kid minimum.  I’m going to have to tie down the hubby tonight so that we can sit and have a conversation about this and what we are going to do.  My poor kid.  He just wants a party.

Today is the second day in a row we’ve had no school due to icy road conditions.  What’s even nicer is that we were off all last week for mid-winter break.  This is my last week of work, too.  I can absolutely deal with a three day work week for my last week.  The roads aren’t actually that bad right by us, but our district is so big and I’m sure a lot of the roads in the northern part of the district are nasty.  There might even be some flooding and then freezing up near all the lakes.  I don’t really care.  I’m just glad for another day off!

It’s funny, I was worried how Sebastian and I would do together this week, when it was just him and I, 24/7.  In the past, that’s been the cause of many problems.  We would constantly butt heads.  But we’ve gotten along great!  On Wednesday, we spent nearly three hours at the car repair place and he did just fine.  On Thursday, we were at the laundrymat for more than 2 hours and he was fantastic!  I talked to my sister about it and she said all this time with my undivided attention was probably just what he needed.  I guess it helps me feel better about quitting my job.  My baby still needs his momma.  It gives me hope that things will get better with his behavior.

I’m such an idiot.  After going on and on the way have about Sebastian and the S3 meeting, I forgot to update on Wednesday night.

It didn’t go too bad.  It was us, the teacher, counselor, principal and the teacher for the E.I. room.  I got a little freaked when I walked in and the E.I. teacher was there.  I thought they were going to try and press us into putting him into that classroom.  But basically, it was just a meeting to get everybody on the same page, document what has been going on and just have a roundtable type discussion. 

His teacher went over what has been going on in the classroom, we talked about what’s been going on at home and in Prime Time and the counselor went over the results from the Conner’s test.  According to the Conner’s, the areas that were borderline/high were Hyperactivity, social problems and restless/impulsiveness.

One of the things that was suggested and that the hubby and I were already talking about was to get Seb into some one-on-one or even family counseling.  The EI teacher said that even though Seb doesnt’ seem to be bothered about all these issues he’s been having, maybe he is but he can’t or won’t verbalize it to us.  He might actually be feeling a lot of anxiety over the fact that he doesn’t know how to fit in socially, which is causing him to act out.  Or he could act out because that’s the only way he feels like he can get attention.

The counselor also suggested starting up a "friendship club" thing for in the classroom, where she’ll come down, grab a handful of kids and they can all talk, play games, hang out and basically have a good time while giving Seb a chance to socialize with some other kids and work on his social skills.  We talked aobut how I will be quitting my job and getting Seb into some other activities to help with his socialization as well. 

So, like I said, not too bad.  They didn’t set up a time for us to meet again, just as needed.  Hopefully, things will start changing for the better.  January was such an awful month.

I gave my notice to my boss today.  She was bummed, but understood.  SHe also gave me some advice and places to look for jobs that will let me work while Sebastian is at school, which was cool.  I did throw out the name of one of the gals I work with to replace me.  She does have to go through the whole posting/interviewing/hiring process, but she said to make sure I let J. know to check the job posting board so that she can apply.  So, I’ll work this week, have a week off for mid-winter break, then work one more week and be done.  I’m sure the hubby is going to be right on my behind about getting another job as soon as possible.

I did get some bad news this weekend, though.  My uncle, who is also my godfather, passed away Saturday morning.  I found out when I showed up at my parents’ house that afternoon for my neices’ birthday party.  He was diagnosed in September 2005 with inoperable cancer and was given 12-18 months at that point.  He made it nearly 2 and a half years, so that was a blessing.  I think the memorial is going to be Saturday.  Of course, even though Seb didn’t really know my uncle, he knows it was his Papa’s brother and he feels bad.  It has also brought up those "I don’t want to die" thoughts again.  He had a really hard time falling asleep last night, and that was one of the things he said to me.  That kind of stuff just breaks my heart.

No school today!  We were supposed to get a major snowstorm with 6-10 inches.  I think there might be 3 out there, but it came down so quickly, and right during rush hour, that they couldn’t really keep up with it.  Hey, I am not complaining.  This week at work was just miserable and I am so very glad to cut it short.

So Bub and I are just hanging out at home today.  The hubby took my truck to work in case he needed the 4 wheel drive, so we couldn’t go anywhere, even if we wanted to.  So far, I’ve taken a nap, paid bills, cleaned up the kitchen and ran the dishwasher, dipped the pretzel rods in caramel for my nieces’ birthday party and fed Bubba lunch.  I still need to dip the pretzels in chocolate once the caramel sets, eat my own lunch, clean up all the clutter in the living room, put laundry away and I really want to finish the scarf that I am working on for Seb.  I only have about 18 more rows and then add some fringe on to the ends. 

Last night sealed the deal.  My boss is in Florida right now, but I will be giving her my notice on Monday morning.  Sebastian had another major meltdown last night at latchkey, complete with kicking screaming, trying to run through the school, headbutting.  It was absolutely unbelievable.  I have never in my life ever seen him act that way.  I was absolutely mortified.  Teachers, parents, other staff all knew what was going on. 

I know my boss is going to be pissed, but I don’t care anymore.  My kid is falling apart.  He is in school for 11-11.5 hours a day!  It’s too much.  I see other kids that handle it just fine, but he is obviously not one of them and I have to do what is best for him.  The hubby is not thrilled about the loss of income, but at least he’ll still be working, so it won’t be like last year when he was out of work for 4 months and we were trying to live on my paltry pay from Lowe’s.  And I’m hoping that I might be able to find some part time work at a Library or something to help fill in the gaps.

That about sums up the last week. 

I went bra shopping yesterday and found out I was wearing completely the wrong size.  In fact, my boobs are so big, my bras have to be special ordered because they don’t normally carry that big a size in store.  God help us if I ever get pregnant again and they get any bigger.   And if the hubby makes one single comment about going to the army surplus store and stocking up on heavy duty tent material so we can get bras specially made, I will be forced to beat him senseless. 

The blackout happened at school this morning.  Due to wind gusts around 60 mph, we lost power here for about 5 minutes last night.  No biggie.  Luckily, I woke up when I heard everything shut off and was able to reset the clock.  But when I got to work this morning, the generator was huffing and puffing and it was obvious that we were not at full power.  About 8:30, we lost poser completely.  Lots of fun with nearly 40 screaming kids.  I never, ever want to do that again.  And of course the batteries in our flashlights (once we found them) only lasted about 5 minutes before they died.  One of the girls I work with told me that the Novi schools C.A.R.E. program is looking for workers and it is entirely possible that I could work a 9:30-3:30 shift, which would allow me to drop Seb off in the morning and be there to pick him up after school each day.  No more 11 hour school days could make a world of difference.  Now, my boss will be completely pissed off, but oh well.  I gotta do what’s best for my family.  And the current circumstances are definitely not what is best for us.

And how does ice skating fit into all of this?  Well, Seb’s pediatrician recommended that we get him into some activities outside the house.  The other night, he was watching the men’s U.S. national skating championship and thought it was the coolest thing.  Since he has poo-pooed every other activity I have brought up to him, I thought I would through skating out there to him.  Much to my surprise, he was totally into the idea.  Yesterday, I got on Google and the Novi Ice Arena offers basic skating classes, 7 weeks for $90. The next session starts at the beginning of April, with registration starting in about a month.  The hubby kind of rolled his eyes when I told him that his son wants to take skating lessons, but as long as it’s something Seb is interested in, he’ll be behind him 100%. 

And finally, our crazy kitty.  He goes in next week to be front de-clawed and neutered.  Hopefully, that will calm him down somewhat because he is totally obnoxious lately.  Now, I know it has been a long time since I’ve had a cat, but I really don’t remember Sophie acting this way.  He completely spazzes out in the middle of the night.  He’s bitten the hubby’s feet twice, drawing blood.  I don’t know if he is getting ready to lose his baby kitty teeth or what, but he’s been awfully chompy lately, which is annoying to me, scares Bub and makes the hubby sound like a whiney little boy.  Honest to God, some days, he’s worse than Bubba.

That’s how I feel.  The last few weeks have left me feeling so run down.  There was no school Monday or Tuesday, but of course we had latchkey, and three other schools joined us at our site as well.  22 kids showed up on MOnday and about 40 yesterday.  I worked a six hour shift both days and am just wiped!  I have had more than my fill of smart mouthed school kids.  That just reinforced that I made the right decision when I didn’t sign up to work over mid-winter break.  As if I needed any reinforcement.

I’m still battling a cold/sinus infection/whatever the hell it is my body is doing to me.  It leaves me feeling so tired and stuffy and drippy that I simply want to crawl into my bed and not come out for a few weeks.  Wouldn’t that be nice.  The crappy Michigan winter weather isn’t helping either.  SNow, below zero wind chills, icy roads are really not my cup of tea.  I  need me some sunshine and warm temps.

We have had a week of fairly good behavior from Seb, which has been nice.  I’m trying a lot harder to pick my battles and it is helping.  Last night, I was helping Seb do his homework, which can sometimes turn ugly when he gets frustrated or doesn’t understand something.  And when he starts flipping out, I get irritated and frustrated with his behavior.  This time, I stayed calm, walked him through the math and everything went so well!  Definitely a nice change of pace.  I’m off to the library later today to pick up a couple books on living with "difficult" and "active alert" children.  Not sure where Seb falls between the two categories, but if there are strategies that can help me, well I am all over that.  Anything that would help, especially with his behavior at school, would be so wonderful.  Momma’s getting desperate, here.